Bailee Roberts

Ten things you should never say to a pregnant woman

written by Bailee Roberts

  1. #pregnant
  2. #pregnancy
  3. #breastfeeding

Oh the joys of pregnancy. It’s supposed to be the most magical time of your life. You’re radiant. You’re making a little human, starting a new chapter and everyone should be doting on you; offering seats on trains, helping with heavy bags, offering to bring you cups of tea and lots of yummy cakes. Right!?!

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This has not been my overwhelming experience.

Unfortunately, you still need to get through your day and deal with public transport, deadlines, bosses, grocery shopping and London in general all without caffeine. Honestly, I haven’t ‘loved’ being pregnant and am frankly in awe of anyone who has managed more than two pregnancies. Maybe, I’ll change my mind after meeting this little boy, but with 8 weeks to go, call me crazy, not feeling like myself for 9 months has been a taxing long process.

Blame the extra hormones and yes, I’m probably overly sensitive at the moment but some of the comments that come flying towards my pregnant self is enough to make me run to the quite of the countryside and make jam until this little bundle arrives.

So, here are my 10 things never to say to a pregnant lady:

  1. That’s not a bump, you just look like you’ve got indigestion. Seriously, the first 4 months might very well be the worst part of this whole process. You basically feel hungover for weeks on end without the joy of the ‘night before stories’. Plus you’re borderline narcoleptic and don’t even get me started on the morning sickness. So, by the time you have a bump, it’s almost a relief. It’s visual proof that this is actually happening and not that you’ve eaten too many carbs… though that might have happened too.

  2. Equally, Wow, could there two in there? Oh you know what, you might be right. I’ll have the midwife, GP and sonographers to check again. No woman, ever wants to be told she looks huge, not even pregnant.

  3. You’re glowing! You mean sweaty, right? I know, my body temperature is running on overdrive, I haven’t had the energy to blow dry my hair properly in weeks and it’s probably a little greasy too. It’s safer to say, neat. ‘You’re bump is so neat,’ is always appreciated.

  4. Are you really drinking a glass of wine or going to eat that shrimp? Equally, my cousin/mother/sister/friend ate whatever she wanted during her pregnancy and it was totally fine? Well, good for her? How is this any of your business? This is my pregnancy, not yours, and if I don’t have a glass of wine or choose to have one glass of red at the end of my week, it really has nothing to do with you. Can you imagine someone walking up to you mid donut and listing all the side effects of eating refined processed sugar? You’d be horrified.

  5. Your Pregnancy is going so fast! Really, really, really…. I might just punch you in the face. I’m 32 weeks pregnant. Translation, I’ve been dealing with this for 32 weeks, look like a Christmas bauble, can’t really get a good night sleep, and I’m petrified that I’ve started waddling, but don’t worry, I’ll do my best to finish the next two months as quietly as I can.

  6. You’re going for a natural birth, right!?! Equally, why wouldn’t you want a C-section? Well, I thought this was my birth, I guess I missed the memo where my pregnancy was up for public discussion. First of all, I’ve never given birth before. So despite watching One Born Every Minute and reading What to Expect When You’re Expecting I really have no idea what my pain tolerance in this situation is going to be. So, I’m going to the best I can and as long as my baby and I come out of hospital healthy, I’ll be over the moon.

  7. Mentioning Episiotomy or anything to do with size of an epidural needle. Shhssshhh… no need to discuss this. Ever. The visualization makes the blood drain from my face. I’ll deal with that when/if I have too.

  8. Your hair looks amazing! It’s so shiny and is so long! You know it’s going to start falling out after you have the baby. Please don’t take this little bit of vanity away from me. Its all I’m holding onto of my sexy pre baby bump self.

  9. Breastfeeding is Best. No shit Sherlock. Again, I am going to do my best to breastfeed, but I’ve never done this before and how is this any of your business. I’ve been completely blown away by how heated people get over this topic. I don’t believe any new mom would do anything but the best for her baby, but it’s a personal choice and a lot of ladies don’t have the option.

  10. Lastly and most irritating, Can I touch your belly? Yeah, sure, do you want an ass grab at the same time? Personal space people!! Unless, you put that bump there or she is a close friend or family member, keep your grubby hands off and wait for the offer. Whatever you’re relationship with the bump carrier always ask. It’s just polite.

So, angry pregnant lady rant over. Here are a few things TO say, which will always be appreciated:

  • Wow, you’ve got such a neat bump
  • You haven’t put on weight anywhere else
  • Your boobs look amazing
  • Any Helpful tips from ‘other new moms’

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