Well hells bells… What a canny few crap months they were!
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I’ll not bore you with the detail (nor do I wish to dwell) but in a word – Depression.
Christ on a bike!
I saw it coming, I tried to out run it, I tried to hide from it and ‘it’, bit me on the arse, so hard that it has taken me about 7 months to feel like me again.
Anyone reading this who is struggling, it's ok, keep plodding on and ask for help when you’re ready. You’ll know when you need to.
I’m not going to spout advice or list agencies who can help – you’ve probably already Googled all of the self-help and self-assessment quizzes… I just want to say, you’ll get better, keep going.
As they say, you’ve got to hit the bottom before you can climb back up. Cliché I know and the thought of getting any lower is terrifying… I know this… What you need is patience and resilience – and you have more than you give yourself credit for!
I’ve recently jumped on the trendy bandwagon of this mindfulness carry on.
Figured if I learned how to still my mind I wouldn’t scream at the kids as much as I do… haha!
Well, it works, I’ve learned to live in the here and now again. I appreciate being outdoors with the kids, running in the rain and weirdly, I enjoy being me again.
Honestly – no bullshit.
I sound like a mindful monk here, but seriously – try it. I’ll bang on about it to anyone who will listen. I bought a book with a CBT cd and I listen to it every day, like some meditative expert. Along with my jogging, healthy eating and new job… I’m a new woman…
Whey … You’d think…
Isn’t social media is bloody brilliant if you want to compare yourself and measure yourself, against others achievements. It drives me insane – I’m the worst one, mind! Make no bones about it. I sometimes found it really hard to even bring myself to like a photo. What the frigging hell is that about?
Would some random mother from another city give a damn, or even notice if I liked her post or picture? Ridiculous man…
Some people piss glitter – their shit doesn’t stink – their lives are amazeballs – well, that’s according to their profiles anyway. The last few months I’ve learned to accept this. Let'em shout about how great everything is all the time… I live in the reality that, my life isn’t always wonderful and that’s what is bloody great about it.
I’ve accepted I am a pain, lazy and a bit cuddly in places. So bloody what?
Is that the worst possible thing I could be?
Don’t get me wrong I’ll always be a on a diet striving towards the perfect physique (God I wish I didn’t like eating crap so much…), I can’t do the park run yet (not sure I want to really), I still tell the odd white lie and eat too much of the wrong things. But that is absolutely fine!
Honestly people, we need to be kinder to ourselves. Would you criticise people the way you criticise yourself?
If someone told me constantly that I needed to up my game, work harder, be kinder, be thinner 24/7 I’m pretty sure I’d tell them to fuck off in the finish!
No, you’re not striving towards being a better person by giving yourself a hard time. ALL THE TIME. That isn’t self -motivation.
How is being able to buy or wear a trendy pair of loafers, or how is putting your kids in M & S school uniform, going to make you a better mother, or person?
All this fucking pressure man… It drove me to distraction.
So people of the social media sites – we need to pack this sugar coated clap- trap in. We need to post honest to God, contraception inducing, hormone and sleep deprived posts, that stick two fingers up at the ‘perfect family’, ‘perfect parent’, smoke screen we all seem to be falling for.
I don’t want you to like this article, you don’t need to share it, what I want you to do is take something from it. I am NOT, I repeat NOT winning at this parenting carry on. I’m not a trend-setting career driven yummy mummy, who juggles the school run with breakfast meetings.
I am, like you, rushing round like a blue arsed fly every day, trying to get the kids dressed, whilst giving them cold toast, making sure the dog’s been out for a pee and that I’ve opened the curtains, before loading the car with my offspring.
Social media is pissing me off.
Or, am I more pissed off at myself, for allowing myself to be suckered into the reality and voyeuristic scene we all seem to be part of?
But you know, instead of sugar coating it, I’m going to be brutally honest from now on in.
Join the revolution people, let's tell all those that sugar coat the hardest job in the world, to shove it firmly up’ tha pipe!
I’m going to post one weeks worth of #reallifeparetingpics, one for each day on the UP All Hours social media channels (yes, I am aware of the irony!).
Be that an utterly knackered selfie, the dishes, ironing… I’m going to show how absolutely mundane it can be.
I’m not going to post a pic of me in an absolutely fabulous outfit, or a serene sunset, or an amazing meal my amazing husband has cooked (though he is dead canny and does cook… occasionally).
It's ok to look or feel, utterly frazzled and tearful.
It's ok that you’ve more washing and drying than the local launderette.
Sometimes sitting in front of the TV watching but not really watching is the down time you really need.
Not everyone enjoys bloody boot camp or spending evenings being culturally stimulated. Gawd the closest I’ve come to being cultured socially, was going for a cheap Italian and drinking Belgian beer! But I enjoyed it.
I want people to stop comparing themselves to others. I know this is easier said than done, mind. No, I don’t think my kids like bloody sushi, no they would far rather have chicken nuggets and Cadbury Buttons.
No, they don’t wear sodding a ‘gilet’ it’s a goddamn body warmer. No, we don’t pay for riding lessons because swimming lessons cost us enough. And that’s ok.
Because I’m doing the best I can. We need time, patience and resilience to do this job of being a parent. We have to get back up, dust ourselves off (each and every bloody morning) and be as enthusiastic about the day, as we can possibly be.
Lets grab life by the balls and just live it.
Stop striving for something better, bigger, bolder - just enjoy the here and now.
Appreciate the things you are doing and stop giving yourself a headache over the stuff you’ve not yet done.
You are not alone.