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Parental guilt....Whoa whoa whoa! I have been mis-sold this parenting carry on! Since when, WHEN, did I get a conscience about buying clothes, and it breaks my heart to say it… shoes?
Nobody, NOBODY eyeballs friends who had kids before me told me that I would feel guilty about everything all the time. So, as I said in my Bio – this is a public service I am compiling a list of some of my guilt triggers – so be aware folks – don’t fall foul to parental guilt or the #GuiltGremlin as I like to call it!
Employment So I don’t want to be a stay at home parent – why on earth not? The whole point of having a brood is to love and care for them? Stuff that! I need a break and go to work to allow myself time to pee alone, speak to ‘normal’ people and drink hot coffee. Oh and that look people give me when I tell them that, they tilt their head to one side and smile sympathetically and might as well say – ahh can you not cope? That there pisses me right off. Oh I can cope alright! It’s just hard fucking work mate, you don’t get sick pay, holiday pay or in fact any kind of bloody pay and the upkeep 4 of the the little critters aint cheap!
Clothes Shopping Instant #GuiltGremlin for hitting the shops with 4 kids. What were you thinking woman? They should be running free in a wild meadow chasing butterflies not being dragged around the local shopping centre being bribed with a job lot of Millies Cookies or the promise of Haribos on the proviso they don’t create WW 3 in Debenhams changing rooms. Mind at this point can I just highlight how flipping marvelous our phones are? Really, I mean I know it’s not a new thing but they make our lives just that little bit easier don’t they. I mean, isn’t internet shopping the kitty’s whiskers? Stress free shopping. So go let them be organic and free range in that god damn field. You go find some shade and wifi and shop until your battery dies…
Personal Hygiene Can you remember those long soaks in the tub and hair treatments? I remember bathing on an afternoon – imagine that! Painting my nails without having to do the whole family or have them smudged to buggery as Dolly was stuck in the pushchair and had to come out NOW or my toddler’s world would instantly implode… The there’s showering without an audience. I feel guilty about not wanting to hear my kids murder each other as I carry out a basic task of bathing. I want to bathe in silence and not hear The Krays peeing in the loo next to me. I WANT TO BATHE ALONE.
Social Life I can’t remember appreciating you at the time, but I want you back, even its to apologise profusely and tell you I was wrong to take you for granted and will always think fondly of you even though we have parted ways.whispers wistfully I will always love you… People have stopped asking me to go out now, it’s fair enough. Given my track record. I’ve too many to farm out, they won’t be separated and I can’t face the hangover.
However stop making me feel guilty for wanting to go out and waste hard cash on hard liquor. It’s not like I’m taking food from the mouths of my kids. In the last 2 years I’ve been out 5 times at best. And I reckon 2 of them I’ll have been pregnant anyway so they don’t count. We were at a wedding at the weekend, we didn’t take the kids – everyone was horrified. Now hang on, since when do 1,2, 4 or 5 year olds understand the importance of holy matrimony? THAT’S why I didn’t bring them and the fact I’ve not had a day out dressed nicely with my other half in about 2 years. THAT’S why I’ve not brought them. And at this point I’d like to tell you it wasn’t a proper knees up either. We were home and eating a takeaway by 830pm, but sadly were very thankful for the time we had out but it was lovely to get home get the formal wear off and lounge wear on!
Look folks, we get bombarded by the tiredness tales, the labour horror stories, the pelvic floor warnings, the countless conversations sharing ideas, offering support or otherwise. But nobody tells you about the guilt you feel. About everything. Next time you pick a magazine up at the Newsagent and put it back in exchange for the latest comic without even thinking, don’t feel guilty because you almost bought yourself chatty mag man, tip yourself a wink for being prepared to lose your 5 minutes of peace to see how chuffed the little one is when they see you’ve bought them a treat.
It’s hard, you’re #Knuckingfackered and would like a break but have the #GuiltGremlin chewing at your conscience. But like you, and you and you over there reading this on your bloody amazing phone, catching 5 minutes to yourself. We’ve been #UpAllHours for years and don’t have to feel guilty for feeling weary. SO, go buy a chatty mag to read in the bath or get your glad rags on and #GetYourWineOn ☺