Vicki Moore

A letter to my son on turning 2

written by Vicki Cockerill

  1. #parent
  2. #toddler
  3. #nicu
  4. #ptsd

Well here we are, only 2 weeks until you turn 2 little man.

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I am sure most parents get emotional when their child’s birthday approaches, however you don’t know this yet, but you are extra special. Not just extra special in the fact that all parents think their child is, but you have proved everyone wrong in just 24 months.

You are so strong, so amazing and you do not even know it yet kiddo. This year started off well, with us not needing to see the heart consultant until Jan 2017, then you being discharged from the development clinic all together!

You moved up in nursery 2 months ahead of your little friends of the same age and you have settled in and learnt so much. Wow, haven’t you? Your love of cars, motorbikes, lorries anything with wheels! Your Grandad would have been so proud.

You can say so much now! Your love of singing is infectious and I love our movie days together. I love how you look after your little babies and tuck them in at night, you are so kind and gentle. You love your cats and help me look after the hamster. You sleep with a mammoth number of teddies and when I take a sneaky peek in at night I can barely pick you out, you are always clutching one to you tightly.

You look after me when I am ill, you share your snacks with me and even make me drink water. Mummy wasn’t every well at the start of this year was she? But, you saved me. You did something for me, that no amount of medication or counselling did. You gave me the push to change. To take just a little bit of your strength and get through the PTSD diagnosis. You gave me a fierceness in my belly to do something, to make something of myself and to be happy again. I wanted to make you proud. I don’t even recognise myself anymore, I am the happiest I have been in so long, that’s because of you.

Every day you find a new way to make me laugh, or make me grateful that yes we did have a hard start but it doesn’t matter, because I have you. It took a long time, and a lot of work to process the journey we had but I think I have done it. I am proud to be your mum, your NICU MUM, your heart warrior mum. You picked your own 'Minion' themed birthday party and have been telling me who you want to invite from nursery. You have been telling me exactly what toys you want from the advert's and how much you cannot wait for cake!

My little one I am looking at you now pretending you are on the phone to Nanny, on your little ride along car and my heart nearly bursts. You have grown so close to her, your God parents and family. You have become such a loving and confident little boy, when you used to shy away.

Looking back at this time last year, you were nearly walking and now you don’t stop running about! You could say a few words and now boom you can say and sing so much! I love how you hold my hand, no matter what we are doing, or stroke my arm, I always want to be able to look and see you there holding my hand. I want you to always be as kind, gentle, and have the openness to accept anything or anyone. You are a kind soul and it radiates out of you, everyone loves you. You are everyone’s favourite no matter where we go!

You are my little Price George look alike, but really you are my one and only Prince.

I can never thank you enough for what you have done for me this year, you will not understand until you are older but I can never repay you for saving me.

I am so proud to be your mother, it is an honour and a privilege to watch you grow, you have made me the person I was supposed to be.

Happy 2nd Birthday Elijah I cannot wait to see what the next year holds for you.

Love Mummy (or Mummummummumum) xxx

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